Hot Child in the City

July 2016

Dang, I really suck at this whole blogging thing. As you can imagine, lots of things have happened since my last post. First, I am officially a girl of 32 summers. It's surreal being two years into my 30s...especially since I don't feel 32 and I certainly don't look 32 #blessed. I don't know, I always imagined being a full-blown "adult" by this age but in my heart I still feel 16 if you want to know the truth. I still play video games regularly (but not as often as I'd like),  I have plushies scattered all over my bed, I am madly in love with cartoons and anime, I wear peter pan collars and maryjanes and I still have to cover my eyes when watching scary movies. I guess I'm young at heart or whatever the old people say.

Second, I have managed to not quit/get fired from my "new" job. Two days ago I had my 90 day review (about 30 days late, haha). My boss said that I'm doing a stellar job and that he didn't even have any suggestions for areas I could improve in. I personally would like to get more comfortable setting up AV equipment and helping out at the assisted living building since I have to cover over there pretty often but that's really about it. I don't know how long I'll stay here but I expect to stay at least until the end of the year. I still find it so strange to be so appreciated and well-liked in this job. The residents all know me by name and compliment me daily, even for the smallest tasks. 

Third, Stephanie and I have made progress in our vacation planning. Last month we booked our plane tickets to Japan and last week I booked our Airbnb apartment in Kyoto. This week we're going to book our Tokyo apartment and our Studio Ghibli Museum tour. After that all we really have left to do is buy our Japan Rail Passes and we'll be golden. As of today it's only 87 more days until we depart. I'm verrrrry excited but I will admit that I'm also super nervous. Although I love travelling and seeing the world, I always have a bit of anxiety going somewhere new. My main anxiety symptom is tummy issues and they're never fun to have on vacation. I'm hoping that once I get there that I'll be so excited that I won't focus too much on worrying and things that could possibly go wrong. Also, I'll be travelling with one of my favorite people and someone who loves me. The last international trip I went on turned out to be a disaster and that person turned out not to care about me as much as they claimed to. But I don't think that will happen with Stephanie (if it does I will cry for 1,000 years). 

To be honest, I still can't really believe this is happening. I've been dreaming about visiting Japan since I was 12 years old and now I'm actually going. Annnnnd I'm going with someone who I've admired and looked up to for so so long. It's proof that dreams can come true. And even though I still struggle with anxiety and most likely will for the rest of my life, I'm so proud of myself for having the courage to do the things I want to do despite my anxiety. I've found that the only way to conquer your fears is to face them, feel the fear and then know that you can get through it. 

And speaking of facing your fears...I recently went on a date with someone new AND I'm seeing him again this weekend. For someone with social anxiety disorder, dating is one of, if not THE hardest things to do. Just putting yourself out there and making yourself vulnerable is so scary! After the first date I got so worked up and had so much adrenaline in my body that by the time I got home I was a HOT MESS. My stomach hurt like crazy, my mind was racing and I could not sleep to save my life. The next day I had pretty much talked myself out of dating for the next 50 years but then I sought counsel from my girlfriends and they were so helpful and supportive. They reminded me how I need to just practice dating and that over time it'll get easier and easier just like anything else. I need to remind myself that it's just hanging out and I don't have to marry the person. I'm just getting to know someone and it's not a huge deal. *takes a deep breath*

So yeah, things have been crazy and busy in the past few months but generally have been pretty good. Thanks for reading and I hope you have a great rest of your day! 

Xoxo,
Courtney