Amsterdam: Part I and II

Our journey to Holland started before the dawn. Since our flight was at 7am (again) we had to be awake at 4:30am (yuck). We called a taxi and it took us to the train station that would get us to Stanton airport. Stanton turned out to be in the buttcrack of nowhere so by the time we got there we were already late as heck. It was a nightmare! We had to run through the entire airport with our luggage in tow (my suitcase weighed about 30 lbs and there were stairs EVERYHWERE). I honestly thought my lungs were going to burst I was running so hard. And we weren't the only ones. Everyone else who had been on our same train was booking it through the airport as if the place was on fire. Luckily, the flight had been delayed so we got there with plenty of time but we vowed to be super early next time (unfortunately, this would happen to us again in Denmark).

Once we actually got to Amsterdam everything was fine, though. The flat we rented was an absolute dream and our host was super nice (her boyfriend was a dreamboat btw). When we arrived she still had some cleaning up to do so we went out for some breakfast. We found a cute spot down the road called Dave's Coffee and Nuts and we even made friends with a dog, Petyr, who lived there. I had the most amazing smoothie of my life and cheese on toast. After brekkie we walked down to the most gorgeous park. Since the weather was so perfect (another beautiful sunny day) everyone was out enjoying the park with their doggies. I even got to see some parrots there that I wasn't expecting to see in Holland. I think we took a little nap after our stroll in the park and later we went to a street market across the road from our flat and bought things for dinner. It was a quiet and peaceful evening, which we needed after our stressful morning.

Our next day in Amsterdam would turn out to be the best day of my life so far. It was something out of a fairy tale. Just a perfect day. We slept in a bit and took the bus into town so we could rent bicycles. We found a bike rental called Mac Bike and the man who helped us was so nice! For the entire day it was 14.75 euros to rent a bike; it was the best 14.75 I've ever spent. I never imagined that something so simple as riding a bike around town could be so wonderful. These bikes rode like a dream and as soon as I got on mine I was overwhelmed with happiness. I kept shouting over to Melissa, "I'M HAVING SO MUCH FUN!!!" We rode over to the Nemo Science Center and climbed up to the roof and got an awesome view of the city. While we were taking photos up there a bird pooped on Melissa's phone and I just about died from laughing my guts out. We had talked earlier in the trip about how we'd never been pooped on by a bird so I couldn't handle it when it actually happened.

We rode our bikes all over town and it was so amazing getting to ride next to all of the lovely canals and boats. Our bikes had the cutest little bells too and it was so much fun getting to ring them anytime you needed someone to move out of your way. People kept walking into the bike lane so you'd have to ring your bell at them to wake them up. I wish I had a bell to ring in everyday life to signal folks to get the H outta my way! Amsterdam is super bike friendly but I'm still amazed that neither of us ate it or got hit by a car all day. I'm a pretty good cyclist but I was still impressed by ability to not die all day since people kept stopping in front of us.

The first thing on our list of things to see that day was the Vincent van Gogh Museum. Thanks to Melissa we didn't have much trouble finding it and when we did the line wasn't as bad as I had thought it was going to be. I think we waited less than an hour and tickets to get in weren't that expensive. I think it was about 15 euros. If we had had more time I easily could've spent all day in this museum. Vincent and his art are very special to me. I've always felt an affinity with him that I've never felt with any other artist. His work just moves me so much and has been such an inspiration to me.

We did manage to get in trouble at the museum so that was kinda lame. They only had a no photography sign on the first floor of the museum so once we got to the second floor we thought photos without a flash would be okay. WRONG. I was able to snap a few photos before I had a scary Dutch lady in my face. She was like, "I just told you to put that away. NO PHOTOS! Let me see you put it away!" while I'm like, "Just told me??" It was weird and super scary but at least she didn't insist that I delete them. My favorite painting we saw was "Almond Blossoms" and mostly because we got to learn that the painting was made for Vincent's new baby nephew and that he chose to paint almond blossoms for the baby since they symbolized new life and new beginnings. We were just so touched since we never knew the paintings backstory. The whole museum really touched my heart and I had to try realllly hard not to cry the whole time. His work just inspires so many feels in me (and the rest of humanity).

We only stayed in the museum about 2 hours because we were about to drop dead from hunger. However, the tomato and pesto sandwich I got for lunch didn't settle that well so I had a mini freakout. I got to experience my first pay toilet, though, which was really weird. It was 50 pence to use the bathrooms and Melissa came with me. When I walked into the stall I could totally see her and she could see me! I was like, "NO! How come the door is see-through?! I can't go if everyone can see me!!!" but when I closed the door the door instantly fogged up! It was totally bananas! After that bit of drama we kind of just rode around aimlessly and wound up at another beautiful park. Even though we had the bikes all day we thought it would be best to return them while the shop was open so we could make sure we didn't get charged any late fees or anything. It was rough letting the bikes go and having to walk again, haha.

We found a super cute ice cream shop in town and Melissa and I both got pistachio because we're awesome. While we were sitting there eating our ice cream a little fat pigeon scored a waffle cone that someone had dropped on the ground. He was so cute as he gobbled it all down :) It was really nice to just sit and relax after riding our bikes all day. After our little ice cream break we walked down to the Red Light District since it was almost dusk and we didn't want to be there after dark. It was pretty gross, which we were expecting but at least we can say that we saw it. We took the train back to our flat around 6 or 7pm and Melissa made another very tasty dinner. It was just such a lovely day and I'll never forget how exhilarating it was to ride bikes down the streets of Amsterdam on that beautiful spring day with my favorite girl.

Next stop was Berlin where things went a little...sour! Thanks for reading!

London: Part II (The Making of Harry Potter tour)

Our second day in London was a very special day, indeed. A dream 12 years in the making came true: I got to visit Warner Brothers Studio where the Harry Potter films were made! To be honest, this was the main reason I wanted to visit London. Let me tell you about our magical day!

Me and Melissa

I had booked our tour months in advance so we already had our tickets but when I booked them I had to pick a time for our tour. I chose 10:30am since I knew it was going to take a while to get there since the studio is in Watford. Google Maps had estimated it would take an hour and a half by bus so I thought we should leave 2 hours early just to be safe. However, the night before Melissa did a search and it said if we went by train and transferred a few times that it would only take 40 minutes. I figured 40 minutes sounded a lot better than an hour and a half so we decided to go by train. We wound up leaving around 9:15am thinking we'd have plenty of time. FALSE. The train ride wound up taking just as long as the bus! Our tickets said that any late arrivals could not be guaranteed entry so every minute that ticked by caused a bit of internal anxiety. However, I wasn't tooooo worried. I just had a feeling that everything would work out and that we'd get in even if we were late. A shuttle took us to the studio itself and that was my first time in a double decker bus. It was so high up that tree branches kept smacking into the windows and freaking everybody out. We finally arrived at the studio at 11:20am and I was prepared to cry and tell the lady it was my birthday if she told us we were too late for our scheduled tour but she just stamped it and sent us on our way. (insert sigh of relief)

Dumbledore's owl podium is my fave!

 When we walked in there was a queue we had to wait in with the other people in our group (there were about 50 of us) and right next to the line was the cupboard under the stairs--like, the ACTUAL CUPBOARD UNDER THE STAIRS! If I could've sobbed without looking like a freak I would have. Before the studio tour began we watched a short film to get us hyped up. Daniel, Emma and Rupert got us all stoked and shared some memories they had made going to this studio for the majority of their childhoods (I just love those three so much). When the film was over the screen lifted and behind it were the doors to the Great Hall! The Great Hall was totally wicked and I still can't believe I got to stand in it! Watching the movies will never be the same because now I'll be like, "I've been there and there and THERE!" Inside the Great Hall they had the student uniforms from all the 4 houses as well as the staff's costumes.

Luna's shoes and jewelry

The next room had the majority of props from the films in it. Luna's costumes and jewelry were my faves :) In this portion of the studio they had the boy's dormitory, the Gryffindor common room, Dumbledore's office, the Weasley's kitchen, the Potions classroom, Hagrid's Hut, and Umbridge's office. As far as props go, I think I was most excited to see all of the Horcruxes (the locket was so beautiful up close), the Philosopher's Stone, and the Tri-Wizard Cup. There was just so much to look at that it was a bit overwhelming. Honestly, I could've spent the entire day looking at everything. One really cute thing that I absolutely loved was this wall with photos of all of the animal cast from the films. There was a picture of each critter with its real name and a description of that animal's personality (for example, one of the Crookshank's was really bratty and kept biting everyone so she had to be used in shots that only involved running). I think they had used about 8 different Fangs so I'll have to look for that next time I watch all of the movies to see if I notice if they look different at all.

Potions Class

Another thing that was in this room was a place to have your picture taken on a broom. Really, only children were partaking in this part of the tour but as you know, I'm just a big kid so I jumped right in line with all the little ones. Let me tell you, this was probably the best part of the tour! You got to wear a robe and sit on a broom! There was green screen behind you and you got to watch yourself on a tv screen in front of you while the guy told you funny stuff to do like put your hand in the water then shake the water off. It was totally silly and cute and I loved it! The photo I bought was me in front of Hogwarts with the Dark Mark in the background. It's wicked smaaat.

Next we went outside and there was the Knight Bus, Number 4 Privet Drive, the Potter's house, the Ford Anglia, Sirius's motorbike, the Riddle family tombstone, the chess pieces from the first film and the large wooden bridge that connects the castle to the grounds. I was TOTALLY IN MY ELEMENT! It was just completely unreal and I'll never forget the excitement I felt getting to stand outside Number 4. They had a refreshments cart outside as well and I'm totally regretting not buying a Butterbeer. Melissa got one and I had a sip but I should've bought one for myself :/ Also outside we got to see some of the birds that had been in the films. There was a bird trainer there and we got to see one of snowy owls that played Hedwig demonstrate how the mail scenes were filmed. They train the birds to fly from point A to point B with a piece of cardboard in their beaks. Surprisingly, the ravens were a lot easier to train; to perform the same trick it only would take the ravens 2-3 days and the owls would take 2-3 weeks. Ravens are more intelligent than people give them credit for but that's a topic for another day, haha!

The Knight Bus

The last part of the tour was all about technical stuff, concept art, robotics, and prosthetics. We got to see pretty much every room that was created for the films as a miniature made out of paper. It was pretty neat to think about the process of making such monumental films like these and all of the pre-production that's involved. Diagon Alley was in this portion of the tour as well and it was awesome but I wish we had been able to go inside some of the shops (like Ollivanders). There were more owls in front of Eyelops Owl Emporium and we got to see an owl that played Errol. The final room had a bajillion wand boxes in it and on each box was the name of a person who had been involved in the making of the films. There was a dude in there who knew where every single person's name was in the room. (weirdo)

I think we wound up leaving around 4pm but I honestly could've hung out there forever (and ever). There were so many fun facts to read and amazing things to look at. It was paradise for any Potter nerd.

Number 4, Privet Drive

Once we got back to London we took at mini-break and had Thai food from a cart a few blocks from our hostel. We brought it back and ate in the lounge  and everybody kept giving us dirty looks for stinking up the room (they were just jealous). There was a group of American boys sitting across from us and Melissa got a taste of what I have to deal with back at home. Everything they were talking about was "totally sick, bro!". After we'd rested a bit we jumped back on the Underground and headed to Kings Cross Station since I was dying to see that in person as well. We made a beeline for Platform 9 3/4 and got our picture taken together. That was SO FUN! There was a dude there whose sole job was to twirl the scarves before the girl took the photo. Our picture came out pure cute and I can't wait to get it framed.

The last thing we did that day was go to Buckingham Palace to see the Queen's crib. It was dusk by then and the palace looked really dreamy. When we got back to our room we were 100% dead from our day and our flight to Amsterdam was early as heck so we turned in pretty early. Amsterdam turned out to be my favorite city we visited so stay tuned for my next post and I'll tell you the story of the BEST DAY OF MY LIFE (thus far).

LATERS!

 

London: Part I

First official buddy pic!

The morning we left for London started waaaay earlier than I would have liked. Our flight was at 7am so we had to be awake by 4:30am. Suffice to say, I didn't really sleep that night. Melissa had called a cab to take us to the airport since the buses don't run that early. We waited by the window but our taxi never came so she had to call another one. Luckily, that one showed up and it only took about 10 minutes for us to get there. When we got to the airport it was drizzling and cold which I took to be an evil omen, haha. Our flight was really short, only about an hour and 15 minutes but we landed in Luton so we were still quite a ways away from our hostel. We took a bus into the city and Melissa and I got to chat. It was the first time that we had really gotten to actually talk and it hit me that I was for real talking to the same girl who I had only known through letters for the past 5 years. I think it was on this bus ride that I finally got over my anxiety about her not liking me and was able to just be myself.

Palmers Lodge: Swiss Cottage

We arrived at Palmers Lodge: Swiss Cottage at around 10am. By then all of my sleepiness had been replaced by the pure excitement of being in London for the first time. Since check in wasn't until 3pm we had some time to kill so we dropped off our luggage and headed out. We took a look at the map and it said that Regents Park was just a short walk away from our hostel. I had heard that Tom Hiddleston likes to go for runs at that park so we made a beeline for it. Unfortunately, we did not have a Hiddles sighting but the park was phenomenally beautiful. We were blessed with a gorgeous sunny day and there were flowers, birds and dogs (met a magnificent pug named Emilio) everywhere. It was like a dream! I was expecting London to be cold and gray so I wasn't at all prepared for a crisp spring day. We stopped for a bite to eat at a café at the corner of the park and I got a fruit cup and some cashews since my tummy still wasn't feeling 100%. While we were sitting there my lower back started to feel crampy which is a precursor that my moon blood is about to arrive. It did in fact start shortly after so we had to find a drug store in town. While looking for a drug store we found ourselves on Baker St. and that was very exciting! We passed the Sherlock Holmes Museum and the line looked a little long so we didn't end up going in. In retrospect, I really regret that we didn't even peek in the gift shop. I know, I know. I fudged up on that one.

Sherlock Holmes Museum was super cute (at least from the outside)

Goddesses of Spring

Next we walked over to the National Gallery. That proved to be quite a walk so we got to see a lot of the city and do lots of people watching at the same time. When we finally got there we were pretty tired so we just sat down on some steps and relaxed (ie: took some selfies). The museum was free to the public so that was nice. I hate to admit it as an artist but I tend to get bored easily at museums. It's shameful, I know, but that's just how things are. We looked around for about an hour and on our way out we saw a queue lining up for a van Gogh exhibit. They said the wait time would be about 10 minutes and at the time that felt like 10 minutes too long so we peaced out. Again, big mistake. The exhibit turned out to be of all of van Gogh's sunflower paintings and the fact that I could've seen all of them together in one place for free if I had only waited 10 lousy minutes is enough to make me want to scream so I won't say anymore on the subject.

Photo I almost died over

In the courtyard outside the gallery all the children were having their pictures taken in front of these awesome lion statues so naturally I wanted my picture with one too. I did find it a little strange that no other adults were having their picture taken but not enough to stop me from climbing up there. Hoisting myself up was a challenge but the bigger problem turned out to be getting back down. The reason why only children were having their picture taken was because their parents were needed to lift them up onto the pillar. When I looked over the edge I noticed the edge was curved and there was no foothold for me to climb down on. At that point I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to be stuck on this crummy pillar forever. To my relief, a kind stranger came to my aid. A gentleman (they do still exist) who I didn't even share the same language with put his hand out for me to grab onto and then used his leg as a step for me to climb down on. At that moment I was filled with a surge of love for my fellow human beings (which is a pretty rare occurrence for me). 

Next on our list of destinations was Big Ben and luckily it was relatively close to the National Gallery so we didn't have to walk that far. The London Eye was directly across the street from Parliament so we got to scratch that off our list too. We didn't ride on the Eye (too cheap) but it was cool to see up close. It was about 5pm by then so we decided to just see one more landmark then we'd head back to the hostel. Being the super nerd that I am, I chose the Millennium Bridge since it was in "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince". If I had known it was going to take us an hour to walk down there I would've chosen Westminster Abbey instead but hindsight is 20/20. We got to walk along the Thames though, so that was nice and once we got to the bridge we had a pretty good view of Tower Bridge as well. I was running on empty by that point so we took the Underground back to the hostel. When we got back to our room we were surprised to find that we had a new neighbor! A Japanese business man was to share our room with us so any plans to sleep in our underwear went out the window. But no matter, I had a bit of a lie down, which I sorely needed and felt much better. Around 8pm we went trolling for food and we found a cute Italian place a few minutes away. It was really packed but we were starving so we didn't mind that much AND all of the people who worked there were from Italy so that was cool. When our pizzas arrived they were absolutely humongous so we could have shared one but whatevz.

I think we turned in pretty early that night and I slept like a baby. I was shocked that I slept so good since my bed was itty bitty teeny tiny but I was exhausted so a pile of hay would've been good enough at that point. I wish I had taken a photo of our dorm since it looked like the dorms in Harry Potter. To be honest, that's why we chose this hostel in the first place, haha!

So in conclusion, our first day in London was great despite not getting to see everything we had wanted to see but there are only so many hours in the day. The next day we would journey to the Warner Brothers Studio and that turned out to be another great adventure. Get ready for lots of Harry Potter love in my next post!

Cheers!

There and Back Again: Courtney's Tale

To be honest, I've been super intimidated to update this blog since returning home from my adventure since there's just so much to tell and I don't want to leave anything out. Seventeen days is quite a long time so I've decided to write about my travels in Europe in segments just to make things easier on myself (and on you). So let's start from the beginning!

The evening of April 7th I began my journey. I'll admit that I got a little emotional upon take off but let's be real here, this trip was a BIG DEAL and naturally there were a lot of feels involved. I had really started talking about visiting Europe when I was 22 years old. My anxiety had become semi-manageable and I had quite a bit of savings so I started giving a European vacation serious consideration. However, the boyfriend at the time had no money and to tell the truth, had no real interest in traveling with me at all. I was pretty upset at the time but after my experience last month I now realize that I went at exactly the right time in my life with exactly the right person. It was all meant to be.

I'm not going to lie, the flight sucked. Don't get me wrong, British Airways did their very best to make all of us comfortable but being trapped in a plane for nearly 10 hours is never fun. I still get nervous flying so I didn't eat a whole lot before departing so around 9pm I was pure starving. I started daydreaming about macaroni and cheese but then I noticed that I smelled something that kind of smelt like macaroni and cheese (very weird). I guess I was naïve but I honestly thought that all I was going to get was juice and a cookie on this flight. Boy, was I WRONG! The flight attendant asked me if I preferred the curry chicken or pasta bake. I asked her if the pasta was vegetarian and she said she didn't know. I took a peek at it but it was hard to tell so I told her I didn't want to risk it. A few minutes later she came back and plopped the tray in front of me and said, "You better taste it just in case. I don't want you to starve." Pure angel! The pasta did in fact turn out to be vegetarian but it also came with bread and butter, a side salad, tea, water, and coffee cake! My tummy was very happy! After my feast I tried to get some sleep but I don't think I was very successful. I drifted in and out of consciousness but I don't think I got any actual sleep. Yadda yadda yadda ten hours went by and I see London out of my window and got a dash emotional again. My layover in London wasn't too bad; I filled the time with people watching. I finally arrived in Glasgow at 5:20pm the NEXT DAY! Spoopy!

As I walked through the airport the excitement started to build. I was finally going to get to see my dearest, Melissa in 3D. I navigated myself through the crowd and then I saw her! It was again, very emotional! She was just so cute and we both were so excited. It was a Hallmark moment for sure. My first impression of Scotland was that it was SO COLD! I was not prepared for it to be so cold--yikes! We took the bus back to her flat and I got to meet her sweet mum and her adorable kitty, Shadow. We had Dominoes pizza for dinner which was funny for me since I wasn't expecting there to be Dominoes in Glasgow. I slept for a few hours but woke up at 1am wide awake. During that time I made friends with Shadow, the Creature of the Night.

The next day started off good. We took the subway into town and Melissa showed me her turf. We went into a super cute shop called Primark and she bought me an adorable blue dress with a black peter pan collar for my birthday. However, while in Primark I started to feel a bit...weird. My stomach started doing funny stuff and once that happens my anxiety will slowly start to kick in. We stopped at Hill Head Bookclub for lunch (even though I wasn't hungry) and I ordered a veggie sandwich thinking that would be the safest thing for someone who's feeling sick to order. BAD IDEA. Making myself eat made everything so much worse and I had to visit the bathroom more times than I'd care to admit. It took all of my strength not to vomit everywhere. After lunch we were walking to the subway when I had to tell the truth that I was feeling super nauseated and having a bit of a panic attack. A weird thing about Europe is that there are very few trash bins on the street. For someone about to hurl, this is not the best news. The thought of barfing right onto the street or on the subway was more than I could bear.

Somehow I managed to make it back to her flat without puking though. I had been so tired in town that day but when she left me alone in her room to nap I could not sleep. I felt so bad about feeling ill the first day of the trip. All I could think was, "Well, Courtney, you already fucked it up. You've ruined the trip. This was a mistake. You're not meant to travel the world." All of these negative thoughts kept rolling around in my head. It was the worst. I truly thought that the rest of the trip was going to be a disaster and that I'd let my anxiety win.

I'm happy to report that that wasn't the case. In retrospect, I can't believe I was so hard on myself. First of all, I was super jet lagged. It should've been no surprise that I felt super ill after flying for 12 hours and getting hardly any sleep. Also, I was in a new country with a girl I had never met in person (and was worried wouldn't like me). Combine all of those things and anyone would feel barfy.

The next day and the days to follow were gold. Next stop was London but I'll save that tale for my next post. We were there for 2 days and one of those days was spent at the Harry Potter Studio Tour so I might break those into two posts as well.

Thanks for reading!

Love,
Courtney

Three More Moons

After today the Earth will only have to rotate 3 more times before I'm on an airplane. So far I'm feeling very positive about things. Normally, I'd be having vomitty butterflies in my tums and be having a panic attack but not this time. I just keep reminding myself just how much fun we're going to have and how many amazing things I'm going to get to see.

Here's a bit of good news too! I emailed our host in Copenhagen to get some directions to his apartment since Google Maps was not very help at all. Not only did he give AMAZING directions, he told us that he and his family will be in Portugal during our visit so we get the entire apartment to ourselves! I had only booked for the loft of his apartment which had 2 beds and an office (plenty of room for 2 people). We only paid $66 USD a night for the loft so I figured we could just eat out while we were there since we wouldn't have access to a kitchen but I'm very happy to see that now we will! We'll probably be eating our lunch out so we can people watch or sit in the park but I'd like to eat breakfast and dinner in the room. I'm just so impressed by how hospitable all of our hosts have been from Airbnb. I think I might use Airbnb for all of my foreign travels from now on :)

I did some more research on Copenhagen today and there's tons of free stuff to do and that makes me very happy. Just north of the city they have the world's oldest amusement park, Bakken. It's 431 years old and has 34 roller coasters, a ferris wheel and some free fall rides. Also, it's connected to a park that has free range DEER! And that's not even the best part, it's completely FREE! So we'll have to make a stop there and also to Tivoli, which is another amusement park that Copenhagen is famous for. After going to a bunch of art museums and whatnot it'll be nice to go to a theme park and just have FUN.

Tomorrow morning we're going to have our last Skype meeting to get us hyped up for the trip (well, more hyped). It's so weird to think that in 3 more days (well, 4 if you count the 7 hour difference between here and Europe) I'll be meeting face to face with my favorite human being. It's just kind of surreal. I had always hoped that we would meet someday and now it's actually happening! I cannot wait! We're going to have such a great time. I was telling Melissa in my last letter that if we find that we travel well together that this can be the first of many trips we can take together. It would be so awesome to get to see each other every few years and put another stamp in our passports. I'm thinking that my next BIG trip might be to Japan in 2016. I've wanted to go there my whole life. I think I can save up enough money in the next 2 years. I'm really good at saving my money ;)

Anywho, this will be my last post before I leave so I will write again when I return. Wish me luck and thanks for joining me in this adventure!

Love,
Courtney

Lil' Goth Baby

Two Weeks

As of today, we have hit our two week mark. In exactly  a fortnight (Glob, I love that word) I will be making my first journey across the Atlantic Ocean. It's so dreamy! I think that this trip is going to change my life forever. Not everyone gets to experience a trip like this in their lifetime (my parents have never been anywhere out of North America) and I feel very fortunate. Being from a culture that's only a few centuries old, I'm very excited to get to see places that are so rich with history. It's going to be amazing walking down streets that have been walked upon by people for hundreds of years. It's very romantic to think about.

However, while I'm very excited about all of the amazing things I'm going to get to see and experience I'm also trying very hard to keep my anxiety in check. Sometimes there's a fine line between anxiety and excitement and it can be hard to differentiate the two. But I must give myself props for handling all of this so well. The fact that I'm even going on a trip of this magnitude is HUGE progress for me. Ten years ago (even 5 years ago) I wouldn't have been able to go on this trip. My anxiety disorder kept me on a tight leash and I had so many limitations. In fact, ten years ago I was pretty much housebound, believe it or not. I had so many phobias that my life became pretty isolated and small. I couldn't work and I could barely handle going to school. But with the support and love of many people in my life I began to face all of the things I was afraid of. It's weird thinking about the person I was back then since the person I am today is so different. For many years I had an eating with people phobia and for 5 years I didn't eat out with anyone. I ate all my meals at home because my anxiety was so intense at the time that I was nauseous practically around the clock. Since I felt queasy so often I worried constantly that I was going to throw up (and Glob forbid, throw up in front of PEOPLE). And now I love eating out with friends. It's one of my favorite things to do. But back then I cared so much about what others thought about me that I let it consume me. I would avoid any situations that could result in potential embarrassment. Living this kind of life led to very low self esteem and as you can imagine, very few friends. My future seemed so bleak in those days and I had pretty much renounced any hope of getting over my anxiety. Pretty bummer times, yo.

But as you know, things did get better! During this past decade I learned a lot about Anxiety Disorder and educated myself on it thoroughly. One of the most valuable things I learned about this disorder was that MILLIONS OF PEOPLE have it. It wasn't just me. I wasn't just "crazy" like I believed I was for many years. I was just a negative thinker, a worrier, and very sensitive. Just knowing that I wasn't alone was super beneficial to me. However, once I learned that most of my problems came from how I speak to myself internally, I realized I had the power to heal myself. I heard a quote somewhere in my research, "I am the lock but I am also the key". It's taken years but I've realized how to spot negative thinking patterns and how to stop them and replace them with a positive thought. Through this whole process I've become a very positive person and it's funny how now everyone comes to me when they're feeling down and need cheering up. But the most important thing I learned about phobias is that you HAVE to face them. If you don't you give them power and that power can quickly take over your life (and peace of mind). It's very scary but you have to force yourself to do the things that frighten you. It's best to take things slowly and do baby steps but by doing the things that you're afraid of you'll realize that you're not going to die and it's not the end of the world. You have to give yourself praise for any steps in the right direction. We all need to learn how to be our own best friend and love ourselves unconditionally.

When I was about 25 years old I made a decision (one of the best decisions I've ever made) and it was to stop being who I thought other people wanted me to be and to just be myself; to 100% embrace who I am and love that person completely. I've always been different and kind of "weird" and for most of my life I suppressed those parts of myself and was very unhappy as a result. But once I started being myself and not caring if people liked me or not, something funny happened. People liked me! Everyone at university wanted to be my friend; I was my professor's favorite student. I finally set the real me free and I have no regrets.

I still have my bad days though, I'm only human. I've accomplished so much with my battle against anxiety disorder but I'll never be "cured" or anything. I just learned how to deal with anxious feeling when they arise. But I've never travelled for this long without my family or in another country so some amount of anxiety is bound to happen. I'm going to try not to think about that though. I'm trying reallllly hard just to focus on all of the fun we're going to have. I know this trip won't be perfect and there will be bumps on the road but we're going to leave with so many memories. I simply cannot wait!

Wish my luck! And thank you for reading this little blog and sharing these experiences with me.

Xoxo,
Courtney

25 Days and Counting

The count down timer to Europe is now at 25 days and I'm kind of FREAKING OUT! How did the time go by so fast? Now that we're getting so close to departure I'm feeling like I'm forgetting to do something. But what? I guess I do have to go to my bank and tell them what countries I'm visiting and what dates I'll be there. I finally picked out all of my clothes so that's done. I dunno, maybe I'm just have a Home Alone moment where I think I've forgotten to do something.

Oh, one thing I've decided to do is have a get together with my friends when I return. Originally, I was just going to do this trip and then be done with my birthday but my friends want to do something with me to celebrate since they won't be with me on my actual birthday. I think I'd like to go dancing. The last time I went dancing was kind of a let down. We went to that Art Gala thing at Crescent Ballroom and it turned out to be about 75% older people (like I'm talking seniors). Also, nobody was really dancing so we felt weird being the only ones dancing. Eventually all of the drunk people got on the dance floor but they still had all of the lights on and it just was...weird. So I think we'll go to The Duce next time. I'm still a bit too young to be dancing with the old folks. Plus I'd like to see the babes on (near?) my birthday (or any day).

Btw, Monday was a really great day. My bestie, Ashley called me up out of the blue and told me she wasn't doing anything that day. Coincidently, I didn't have any plans either so I asked her to COME ON DOWN! First we got lunch at my new favorite restaurant, The Tea Lite Café and it was crazy delicious. Then we went to Target and I picked out all of my travel toiletries I'd need. Apparently, toiletries can add up really really fast because I walked out of Target with $70 less than when I walked in. But I did buy a new hairdryer and they're not exactly cheap. Anyway, later that afternoon we hiked up North Mountain. I've been a couple times now and it seems to get easier every time. I was worried that Ashley was going to die since she hadn't exercised in a long time but luckily, we both made it to the top in once piece. I always feel like a million bucks after I climb to the top of a mountain (and the positive feelings last a few days too). After our hike we went to Trader Joe's to get dessert as a reward for our effort but wound up getting pizza at Whole Foods instead (a solid choice). We ended the day with crafting and "Curb Your Enthusiasm". Twas a very fine day :)

Pretty soon it's going to be a hundred billion degrees outside so I'd like to do as much outdoorsy activities as I can while the weather is nice. I'd like to tube the Salt River again this summer so that's something we can still do when it's hot as ballz.

Btw, I colored my hair today just so it'd be a little darker for my vacation and YOU CAN'T TELL I DID ANYTHING!!!! It's maybe one shade darker, if that. I might as well have flushed my $7 bucks down the toilet :/

Okies, I better get ready to go home. I'm can't wait to go home and finish "A Storm of Swords"!! I haven't been able to put it down for 2 days!!

Good night, my little flowers! :3